Written by Ashley Bell, a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (“Mormon”), graduate of BYU in Recreation Management, wife and expectant mother residing in Taylorsville, Utah.

Tyler and I are 22 and 23 years old, and we found out this past month that we will be the parents of a future stripling warrior this coming June! Those ultrasound pictures are now treasures for us. On the last still image he was even giving a total thumbs up, as if to say “I’m excited to come, and we’re going to have fun!”

So what is a young couple like us supposed to do with the realization that we are actually going to be parents? We are so excited for it, and it seems like all fun and games, but in reality, the responsibility to parent is great. Luckily, both Tyler and I have had great examples of goodly parents and so we can learn from their good doings; but at the same time our son’s grandparents aren’t going to be raising him… we are!
We Are Never Alone

The beautiful thing about parentage is that we don’t have to do it alone. God gave men and women specific attributes to help in the raising process. Not every family gets the chance to have a mother and father in the home, but in these situations I really do believe that the Lord makes up the rest if the parent rearing the child asks in faith with a believing heart.

Since we don’t have to do it alone, how can we do it together? Well, Tyler and I found comfort from the scriptures by the example of the parents to the young Stripling Warriors; whose story can be found in the Book of Mormon.Their dad’s had repented of their old ways and had covenanted that they would not take up arms again to fight; so what happened was that when a war broke out, they sent their sons to go in the stead!  Their father’s ability keep their covenants shows they put God first and that they diligently presided in their homes. They were fulfilling their role as a good husband and father by keeping their covenants. Now is this all that they did? No. In Alma 56:27 we read that while their sons were off to fight for the liberty of their families, “there was brought unto [them] many provisions from [their] fathers!” This sounds an awful lot like providing and protecting if you ask me. If you are familiar with this story then you know that these young sons also “did not fear death” and they attributed this faith to their mothers by saying, “we do not doubt our mothers knew it” (see Alma 56:47-48). It is obvious here that their mothers were faith-filled women who knew how to nurture, something that these young sons desperately needed throughout their lives in order for them to stand ready when the call arose.

Now what stood out to me here was the fact that the mothers and fathers played different roles in this situation—and yet both were vital! The fathers did preside, provide and protect. And the mothers did indeed nurture. These roles can also be found in The Family: A Proclamation to the World, which was given to us by modern day prophets. Yet again Tyler and I were comforted by the Holy Ghost that even though we are young and inexperienced we can still raise a valiant stripling warrior of the latter days if we but hearken to the scriptures and to the voice of modern day prophets.

Just last night Tyler shared with me a quote from a modern day prophet, Elder Robert D. Hales, that can be applied to parents everywhere throughout the world. The words hold power, “Parents are never failures when they do their best to love, teach, pray, and care for their children” (CR, April 2004). I know we will make mistakes, but the bottom line is, if we do our best to fill our divine roles as parents, we cannot fail.

Additional References: 

Learn more about divine parental roles in The Family: A Proclamation to the World

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Hi I’m Melissa, and I’m a Latter-day Saint (aka “Mormon”)…..

I was going crazy, and I felt like my six children were pushing me along the journey.

Cries of “Mom, he touched me,” “Mom, she took my…” “Mom, he won’t give me…” “MOOOOOM!” skittered unendingly around our home. My appeals to “please be kind” and “get along” seemed to flutter about unheard.

I prayed earnestly for help because something had to change.

Then, one morning while reading the Book of Mormon I stumbled over a scripture in Mosiah. In chapter four King Benjamin, a righteous leader, teaches his people how to find peace and happiness in life and I found my answer.

“And ye will not suffer your children that they go hungry, or naked; neither will ye suffer that they transgress the laws of God, and fight and quarrel one with another.” (Mosiah 4:14)

“That sounds great,” I thought, “but how?” King Benjamin had an answer for me.

“But ye will teach them to love one another, and to serve one another.” (Mosiah 4:15)

Those words were like magic. It struck me that although I had begged my children to be nice and stop fighting, I hadn’t taught them HOW to “love one another and to serve one another.”

Our family made three very specific King Benjamin approved changes that made a big difference.

Setting a parental pattern

My husband and I realized that a new atmosphere at home had to start with us. If we wanted our children to love and respect each other, we had to show them how.

We started simply. At dinner we asked each child to share a favorite part of their day. Everyone else was expected to stop talking and listen. It took patience and practice, but pretty soon kids were taking an interest in each other’s daily activities. It was great. We were making progress.

We also more often spoke positively about our kids in front of our kids. We praised them when they shared with each other or cooperated in a game. We thanked them when they put someone else’s desires before their own. The kids basked in these loving words and tried to earn them more often. They even dished them out to each other.

Serving each other

Our second step was to provide more opportunities to serve each other. We asked older children to help younger children with difficult tasks like reading books or tying shoes. We also expected younger children to serve. We assigned them to take a drink or a treat to a child who was studying and or urged them to cheer loudest at a soccer game.

We began praying about specific needs for our children in family prayer. We asked for Heavenly Father to help them with tests and sports and friends and sadness. The kids caught on quickly and started regularly praying for each other. They became more aware of each other’s needs and feelings through this simple service.

Team up to serve together

Finally, we talked repeatedly about our family “team.” Each family member is essential to our team and when we all work together we can do anything. We got our team to tackle service opportunities all around us.

We teamed up for service at home. Instead of assigning each child a chore after dinner or on Saturday afternoon, we paired them together to give them a chance to work as a team. Although they sometimes argued, they more often laughed and the work got done faster too.

We teamed up for other service as well. We cleaned our local church building, made cookies for friends, visited widows and worked in neighbor’s yards all as a team. We clustered around the table to write missionaries and I employed my team to help deliver church handouts. It was fabulous. Our family bonds strengthened and our love for each other increased.

I have to admit that King Benjamin has not solved all of our squabbles. My kids still bicker more often than I like. But our home has become a much more peaceful and loving place thanks to an ancient, Nephite king.